Destiny?

[rodentus_callidus]

Fate, chance, destiny. Apparently, mine is to be scared to death by old ghosts! Apparently, Sebastien is destined to try and run forever from one mistake. Apparently, he is destined to never, ever manage it. *head in paws*

I am too old for this. I am too old to do this again. I can't fight like that, not anymore. And this one knows it. He knows. He will not make the mistake his father made. He will not look away, and let little Sebastien plot his downfall. He will not sneer, and count his point so well made that little rat doctors can do nothing against him. This one ... this one came to find me! To tell me he knew! Knew his father's mistake, knew ... knew what I'd done.

No proof, of course. Never any proof. Made certain of that, before I ever acted, before I ever ran. He has no proof, and no-one really to prove it to. The old alliance is gone, and the others in the Families, in die Polizei, they'd as soon use it against him as Sebastien. Little rat doctor is just not important in the grand political scheme, not anymore. But General's son ... he is still a good target, still a threat.

But still. Doesn't matter. He's not after that. He doesn't want to use that. He's after me. And I don't know why. Dangerous, to not know why. Not vengeance. Could kill me in the morning and have that. No. Wants something else. Something worth threatening Jan over. Something worth trying to blackmail me into, trying to bribe me. Something. I don't know what.

*curls in a ball* Didn't want this. Didn't need this. This old fear, this old hate ... I can hear his voice. The General's voice. Feel his paws. I remember. Too much. And his son is not him, not quite, or I'd be doing more than just remember, but still. These games. Too close. I can't do that again. I can't fight that way again. I can't. *shakes, gnawing his paw, then goes still*

Have to, though, don't I? Jan won't run. Stupid, to think he might. Bonehead child won't even consider it, and Sebastien can't abandon him. Not to the General's son. Wekha, maybe, there is a chance he might make it on his own. Against these ghosts ... no.

Destiny. *dark chuckle, pained* Divine prank, perhaps. I don't know that I can do this. The weapons I held back then ... let them slide. Allies gone or changed. The map is not the same, now. The city. The politics. Nor is Sebastien. Too long playing simpler games, in circles without such power. I don't know if I can survive this.

Gottverdamnt

But it does not matter, does it. *sighs* Little rat must do what little rat must do.

And pray it is enough.

. Why do ghosts come for me? Why not let me be? Sebastien can threaten no-one now. Why drag this terrible past forward?